Thursday, April 26, 2007

All in God's time

I received a sweet card from a friend of our family and wanted to share the wonderful words of encouragement. The following was written by Andrew Murray and really applies to our life right now. I know you will find some wisdom in it too.

In Times of Crisis I Will Remember:
First, God brought me here; it is by His will I am in this difficult that I will rest.
Second, God will keep me here in His love, and give me grace in this trial to behave as His child.
Third, God will make this trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow.
Fourth, in God's good time He can bring me out and when He knows.
So......I am here by God's appointment, in His keeping, under His training, for His time.
Continue to pray for our family and Madeline.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I think of all of you

Well.... after several attempts I have finally learned how to post one of these.

And now I find myself not knowing what to type or say. I guess my desire to post was initially driven by the overwhelming emotion that comes from CARE from others. We have been so blessed by your emails, your comments, your calls and your prayers. Often, when I am thinking of Madeline, I think of all of you. I think of what this all means. What does this all mean? I do believe that my God can cure my little girl if that is in His plan. But, if it is not, then... I do believe her life has a purpose. That purpose is "what" I ask.... "What does this all mean?" How will her life make a difference? I WANT her life to make a difference. And.... She already has!!! She has made you pause in your busy life to care for another. Her life has brought you to your knees to pray for another. And for some of you, it has been for someone that you have never met. This is a compassion that can can only come from God. This makes our God smile. And I cannot tell you what this means to our family. Thank you for you support and prayers and for keeping Madeline's life meaningful. Keep us in your prayers as we continue this journey. I look forward to our next visit to the doctor so I can see her on the sonogram.

Mandy texted me today.... "Madeline just kicked to remind me to tell you she loves you" I can't wait to tell her in person how much she is loved by all of you.... and her Daddy!

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Life with boys!!!

What a crazy life we live with four little boys. There is never a dull moment that is for sure. This week included Grayson being rushed to the orthopedic surgeon after having his wrist slammed in Brian's truck door. He is fine but Brian still feels terrible about it. Grayson has no broken bones because there is only cartiledge in a three year old's wrist. He loved getting his first x-ray and he even got a little brace to wear. He thought it was a cast and we didn't tell him any different.

Brian is coaching Maxwell's baseball team and we live at the ballpark. It is so much fun watching the triplets' excitement for sports. They can't wait to play next year when they are 4 and be just like Maxwell.

Madeline is busy as well. She continues to offer me peace of mind with all her little movements. Sometimes it feels like she is playing ball herself in there! Each time I feel her little rolls and kicks, I am thankful that she continues to live despite everything. I know God is in control and I remind myself to be thankful for each day he gives us with her, even though she is not even in the world yet. Maxwell and the boys are getting excited about meeting her and ask daily, "How much longer?" Please continue to pray for Madeline's healing and for time with her. I am constantly thinking about what her birth will be like and what God will reveal to us through this tiny baby.

We appreciate you checking on us and keeping us encouraged! Keep praying!!!

Monday, April 9, 2007

Easter blessings

We had a great day celebrating Easter with our family. It was so nice to have four generations all together. We took lots of pictures and ate way too much. Maxwell, Harrison, Grayson, Ashton and their little cousin, Gabrielle, enjoyed a big egg hunt.

I was reminded today of how nice it is to have such a great and loving family. I know the next few months will be difficult as we prepare to meet Madeline. My family and friends hurt with us as we go through this trying time. Through their prayers and support, Brian and I are able to make it through all of the emotions a typical day brings. We have so many hopes for Madeline. We hope to get to love her, hope the boys will get to know her and love her too, hope that she will be healed, hope to enjoy having a baby in our house once again. Brian said tonight that we were never going to put Madeline down. We want to hold her her whole life, no matter how long or short.

Please keep praying that Madeline is healed and that we get lots of time with her. We know that God has special plans for us. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Friday, April 6, 2007

sonogram pics of Madeline

Here are some sonogram images from our appointment today. Madeline now weighs about 2 pounds. You can see she has the cutest little feet.

We'll take it!

Today turned out to be a really good Good Friday for us. Brian and I had an appointment this morning with a cardiologist that performed an echocardiogram on Madeline. We are happy to say that we feel like we got some positive, good news. Madeline does have a VSD or a hole in her heart but it could be a lot worse we learned. The doctor explainded that all of the other parts of the heart looked "normal" and were in the right place, doing the right thing. It was so strange hearing a doctor refer to Madeline as "normal", words we were so happy to hear. We also learned that her heart should allow her to live for 6 to 8 weeks without problems. After that time, she may begin to have other "system" problems related to her VSD. Only time will tell.
Brian and I are so happy to know that we might get to have her for 6 to 8 weeks. We calculated the days and wondered out loud how great it could be to share that much time with Madeline. Brian has a lot to show her and we feel like we have to get a lifetime worth of love in such a short amount of time, but we'll take it.
As we were leaving the doctor's office today, we were smiling through tears at our "good" news. I thought that we might be the only patients happy to know that our daughter had a VSD. I know it may seem like horrible news to most parents but "we'll take it". Those have been our words through this whole pregnancy when we can see a little bit of hope through all of the saddness. It could always be worse and we are thankful for the little bit of hope we got today.
Thank you for supporting us through this. It is a humbling experience and I know we are truly blessed to have this little baby in our life.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

home alone

The boys are with Brian's parents for a few days so we can get some rest and spend Friday at the doctor. The house is soooooo quiet when Maxwell, Harrison, Grayson and Ashton are gone. I am reminded that I really don't know what Brian and I did before we had children. It is strange being home without the sounds of children and all the chaos that is our home. We will really enjoy recharging our batteries but will be glad to get the boys back in time for Easter.

We are also seeing a photographer in Macon on Friday to arrange for him to be with us at the hospital when Madeline is born. He is a part of an organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and will photograph Madeline so that we can focus all of our attention on her without having to worry about capturing each moment. I am looking forward to meeting with him so that we will be comfortable with each other before the big day.

Keep praying!!!!

April 4, 2007

I have decided to start a blog so that I can journal my feelings as we prepare for Madeline's arrival. Several people have suggested keeping a journal and after reading the blog that Eliot's parents have, I was inspired to write my own. Maybe this will help me as we go through the next few months.

I am now 28 weeks into my pregnancy with Madeline and am getting uncomfortable; however, I am able to get a good night's sleep. Sleep is really great for the mind and body. I guess it is the only time when I don't have Madeline's health on my mind, although I have begun dreaming of her and what her birth will be like.

This whole experience has been so overwhelming and unfamiliar to Brian and me. I have already learned so much. I remember when I went to the dr. for the first time after finding out I was pregnant and seeing the heartbeat and immediately feeling such a sense of relief. I, so naively, thought that because we had a heartbeat, all would be okay. I guess we take so much for granted, like having healthy children. I know it never occured to me that something could be wrong with our baby since we already had 4 perfect boys. It was not until the 12th week checkup that Dr. Boddy saw "soft markers" on the ultrasound that caused concern. Since that day, it seems our life has been a mess. But a mess with lots of hope. I won't give up on hope and prayer! I am still believing in miracles or at least a chance to get to know Madeline and let her know how much she is loved.

I am so anxious about seeing Dr. Hamm on Friday when he will do an echocardiogram on Madeline's heart. I am scared of all that could be wrong but I am praying that God will give me peace about what is to come. Please pray with us as we find out more information about Madeline's condition. I was just reading a post on the Trisomy website that another mother wrote about the significance of Friday. It all made sense and made me feel better. This Friday, the day of my doctor's appointment, is Good Friday and is symbolic of the day Jesus was crucified. I am comforted knowing that God knows the pain we are in because of his own Son's death.