Friday, June 6, 2008

One Year Ago Today

We are very busy getting all the last minute details of the race done. It has been a great distraction for me and a blessing that I don't have the time to dwell on my sorrow as we approach Madeline's first b-day. It was one year ago that I had no reason to think she would come so soon. We got to meet Madeline on Thursday night about 8:30 after an emergency c-section. Her heart was beginning to show signs of stress, and my doctor decided it was best to take her a few weeks early. I am grateful that he did because she would not have made it another day, much less weeks. What an overwhelmingly emotional night that was! I have never been more scared in all my life, and I felt so helpless. I remember laying on the table in the delivery room waiting, what seemed like hours, for the doctor to deliver Madeline and I was trying to think of a scripture to calm me. All I could think of was "I can do all things through Christ who stregthens me!" I know I said it at least a hundred times as I laid their not knowing if Madeline would be alive when she was born. But God was good, and indeed she was alive. They wisked her away, and Brian got to go into the next room and watch as the nurses worked on her. I strained to hear her cry but she never really cried, just made little sweet sounds that I could barely hear. I asked my nurse over and over if Madeline was okay and tried to watch her face to see if I could tell by her expression what was going on with Madeline in the next room. You can not imagine the helplessness and fear I felt during those moments waiting to hear about my only daughter. Madeline was doing just fine and did not even need to be put on the ventilator. She was breathing on her own and only need a little oxygen in her nose. I spent a short time in the recovery room before getting to spend some time with Madeline. What a sight she was to me!!! Brian had been keeping me posted and had left me to go be with her since we did not know how long we had with her. Madeline was beautiful and so perfect in every way. God does not make mistakes! We tried to soak her up and I wished the clock would stop and we could have spent forever in that NICU, loving our only baby girl. What day June 7, 2007 was for our family and friends.
As I look back over the last year, it is only appropriate that we spend tomorrow celebrating the 12 hours we had with Madeline. We will honor her little life and the blessing that she was to us as we hold this first annual Miles for Madeline. I hope she is watching over us tomorrow and smiling down on us as we remember how she has changed our lives for the better.
Keep the race in your prayers and the blessings that God can give through our loss to others.



Kim ( said...

Happy Birthday Madeline. I celebrate you with your family.
With love and continued prayers,

Laurie said...

Happy Birthday Madeline, such a sweet little baby who is making such a big impact in your family's lives and in mine. May your presence be all over your loved ones as they race in your honor. You are Gods very special gift to those who have held and loved you dearly. You are special.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

Kenzie said...

Happy 1 year birthday Madeline! I know you are with Jesus and so many other little friends who love you dearly. We are praying for your family as they miss you so... as they honor the beautiful legacy you left to God's faithfulness.

Lord, I ask for peace, comfort and joy as the Hopkins family remembers their precious daughter! We love you and indeed we know that you do not make mistakes.

Praying for you all with love,

Chrissy said...

Happy birthday baby girl! Thinking of your family these days. I sent you an email a few weeks ago. Please let me know if you got it. Love and prayers!

Yvette said...

Happy 1st Birthday Madeline.


I have prayed for your family all week as your precious daughter's birthday approached yesterday. I also prayed for the run your foundation held in honor of her, I am sure it was a sweet time of rememberance honoring her little life.

Love, Yvette

Emily said...

I have been thinking of and praying for your family today. I feel so blessed that Madeline and I have birthdays one day apart and to know that she met my Savior face to face on my birthday. What a precious witness Madeline Grace Hopkins will forever be. I'm praying for your heart and asking God to let sweet visions of our girls dancing in Heaven with all the ones that have followed behind fill your mind with hope tonight. You love your daughter so well. I know she's smiling down tonight.

Be gentle to yourself today, precious friend. He will lift up your head.

sumi said...

Hugs and prayers

justabeachkat said...

What a sweet post!


Cathy said...

Mandy, I wanted to say thank you for visiting Annabel's site. Your words are so kind. I have just briefly looked at your site but will do so in its entirety hopefully by tonight. Your family is beautiful. Wow, triplets! YOu are so blessed and what a beautiful little girl Madeline Grace is! I loved the pictures with your son kissing her foot and the necklace against her hand. Thank you, again, Cathy & Annabel

Laurie said...

Hi Mandy,

I have been thinking about you alot lately and wanted to stop in and let you know. I am praying for you and your family. You are loved.

Laurie in Ca.