This Father's Day will no doubt be a hard one for Brian but he assures me that he has never felt more like a father than he does right now. We both are struggling with our grief and how to grieve with a house full of little boys. If I cry too much, it is upsetting to Maxwell and he cries too. Harrison, Grayson, and Ashton are full of questions and like to look at Madeline's pictures but they can not make much sense of her not being in my tummy anymore. They know Madeline is with Jesus but want to know how she got there so quickly. To say the least, it is a difficult time for this family but we are carrying on with our daily routines and will find a way for things to become a "new" normal. It will take time and prayer to mend our broken hearts.
I want to express what a wonderful father my sweet husband is. (He is going to wish I hadn't posted this I am sure but he never has been able to make me behave so here goes......) Brian is the most unselfish person I know and he loves me and his children unconditionally. There is no question where his priorities lay and anyone who knows Brian can attest to that. He is the kind of daddy that coaches baseball and loves every minute. He wipes noses and heinees and kisses boo-boos. He is a great entertainer and makes the children laugh with lots of tickles. He gets "beat up" on purpose when four little boys all wrestle him at one time. He is the kind of daddy who gives the best kisses in the world and will just about hurt you with his squeezes. He sings and dances and drives a real "Monster" truck. He traps wild hogs and lets the boys help him at the farm. He says prayers and doesn't forget anyone important. He laughs at silly jokes and silly boys and makes them each feel special. He works hard and always has lots of little shadows following. He drives a four-wheeler and always lets the boys ride. He fixes broken toys and broken hearts. He listens to stories and doesn't complain that he has heard them before. He watches cartoons even when something else is on that he would like to see. He races up the stairs to bed each night and always lets the kids win. He is a teeth-brusher and a bedtime enforcer. Brian is all of these things and so many more. He is at his best when he is being a daddy and it is always so fun to watch him with his children.
When I think of the last week and all the joy and pain it brought, I am reminded of how special Brian and Madeline were together. It was not me who bathed or dressed Madeline for the first and last time. It was her daddy. Brian was so insistent that Madeline be clean and he made sure everything was just perfect. I just watched in amazement as this tiny little girl changed her daddy's life forever. I had never known Brian to be more protective of any of our children. He carefully studied each tiny part of Madeline's body and made sure she was taken care of. He watched all of the monitors and could explain to me what each number meant.
Brian bonded with Madeline way before she was born. He never missed a chance to go with me to the doctor to see her on the sonogram. He always said that was the best way to start his day was by seeing Madeline on the sonogram screen. Most men would not have been able to bond with a baby that they knew might not live but not Brian. He always talked to Madeline while I was carrying her and even put my Ipod on my tummy to let her listen to music. He prayed unselfishly that God's will be done when all I could pray for was my own will. He was a good example of how to handle life when your world is falling apart. Brian loved Madeline from the beginning and he always will.
There is no question that Brian is a good father and that he deserves the best Father's Day any man could have. We love him so much!!!!
Monstruosamente Solo ()
2 years ago