Four Good Reasons to Smile!!!

Love's Embrace

The following poem was written by a teacher at my school who was gracious enough to let me share it here with you. She attended Madeline's funeral and reflects on all the sights and sounds of that moment in time. What is so beautiful about this sweet gift is that this was her first attempt at writing of any kind, but you would never know it by reading her eloquent words. It is something I will always deeply treasure, as it is a reminder to me the impact a tiny baby had on so many. Thank you so much Mrs. Mc for these beautiful words. I am honored that you were inspired to write them.


Love’s Embrace

Twilight’s subtle hues –
above, horizons kiss.

A solitary portrait of mother and child –
held in an infinite moment –
capturing love’s embrace.

The inner circle’s bonds steadfast -
as hearts unite as one –
mother to daughter –
generations connected.

Heads bent in prayer –
as somber silence surrounds the cherub who slumbers.

Evenings voices chafing –
heaviness of hearts – barren, displaced.

Whispers of God’s presence rippled –
through boughs of sweet pine –
the symphony from his creatures –
both great and small, bring comfort to all.

While strength from the outermost –
buttressed, with encouragement and compassion.

Balloons float adrift from the hand of a brother –
setting soul and spirit towards –
Love’s Embrace.

By Jenny McMahan

praying for Copeland

Please join me and pray for the Farley family from Tennessee. Boothe delivered a little girl named Copeland today. She weighed 4 pounds and is breathing on her own. Copeland has Trisomy 18, like Madeline. This sweet family needs our prayers so much right now. Please pray that they will get lots of precious time with their new little girl.

Mandy

balloons for Madeline

It has now been three months since Madeline went to heaven and while there are days that I have such a peace about it, I still find it really difficult not to try to relive those 12 hours we had with her and wonder if I should have done things differently. I question if we did the right thing by letting Madeline go to the NICU or should we have just kept her in our arms until she took her last breath. I know you can't live your life in regret or wondering about all the "what if's" but it is really hard not to. I have thought over and over about how I spent each minute of that precious time with her and how it just wasn't enough. I sometimes don't know whether to smile or cry when I think of her because I still miss her so.

Today after eating out for lunch, the boys all got balloons when we left the restaurant. They, of course, wanted to let them go and watch them as they drifted up to heaven and out of sight. Maxwell mentioned that he hoped Madeline got one of those balloons to play with today, which led Grayson to ask how she got to heaven. I told him Jesus came to get her and he wanted to know if Jesus could fly and if Madeline rode on his back to heaven. I smiled as we talked about Madeline and am thankful the boys still ask about her. Their innocence and trust is so precious and it brings me comfort to know that they have a better understanding of Jesus and what He can do because of their sweet little sister that they will meet in heaven one day.

struggling

I have learned a lot about myself in the last year. I think I am strong and do a pretty good job convincing myself that I am, but today I realized I am not doing as good as I want to believe. It has been almost three months since Madeline died and it has gotten easier in many ways. Each day is so busy with school, the boys, and just life that I am often too preoccupied to allow myself the time to just think. To think of how badly I miss her, to look at her pictures, to try to remember all the little details. Maybe it is just easier on the heart not to remember.


There is not an hour that goes by that I do not think of Madeline and the impact she has had on my life. But I realized last night that I have not really allowed myself to grieve for my child. As long as I do not dwell on Madeline and push her to the back of my mind, I am okay. Life goes on and I can pretend the hurt is not there. I guess it is easier sometimes to just forget all of this ever happened. Not to disregard Madeline's precious little life in any way, but to protect my heart. As I walked past her box in my room with all of her belongings last night, I stopped and thought about her little gown that I used to smell that had her sweet scent. I wondered if it still smelled of her, but would not allow myself to continue to think about it because the pain is too great. I just pushed the thought away and went to bed. Maybe this is a normal part of grief, to just act as if all is well and not get caught up in remembering. If I don't think about it, maybe I can make my heart believe this never happened and is all just a bad dream.

Lately, as I read what other mothers who are expecting babies like Madeline write, I am reminded that it was so much easier to be faithful and positive before Madeline was born. During the pregnancy I had no choice but to BELIEVE and stay strong in my faith, but now I find that I question God. Why? What is the reason behind all of this? I recently finished a book about heaven, hoping for some comfort, maybe even some answers to my many questions. I do believe but I just have to remind myself sometimes that this is not all there is to life. That I will see Madeline again one day and when I do, all this will be forgotten and not matter.

There is an abundance of evidence in my life that God is good and is indeed real. I really don't have to look hard to see it. I just have to remind myself that He is in control and it is okay for me not be.

Glory Baby by Watermark - Rhapsody Player

Glory Baby by Watermark - Rhapsody Player-click to hear the song!

This song speaks our hearts. Brian and I are left here on earth and miss Madeline so much each day. We know Madeline is in Heaven and one day we will hold her and love her again. Until then we have to cherish our memories of our short time with her and believe in eternity when we can have Madeline with us forever. This song says all that we feel so perfectly.

MANDY

Sometimes

The following poem was written by Heather, a fellow blogger, who is battling a brain tumor. When I read it on her blog, I so identified with her thoughts. These words spoke to my heart and express where I am right now. You can visit Heather at especiallyheather.com She is an amazing woman who never fails to inspire.

Mandy


It is best not to say anything at all.
To be still in the moment.
Let the emotions rush over you like a raging river.
Get up and brush yourself off.
And start over again.
Sometimes…
Things can’t be put back together.
They can't go back to the way they once were.
But you can be better because of the experience.
Despite the experience.
Sometimes….
You have to let things go.

You have to let things be.

You have to let go and let God.