asking for prayer

Maxwell brought it to my attention that I am always finding "sad" stories on the Internet.....some I have shared with him as we say our nightly prayers. I know how much prayer helped our family when we found out about Madeline's diagnosis and then after she died so I wanted to ask again for your help when you are praying. I have "met" a family through blogging that could really benefit from lots of prayer. You may go to www.cfhusband.blogspot.com and read the story of a very courageous mother with cystic fibrosis and her little baby girl, Gwyneth, born at 24 weeks. Her husband, Nate, does a great job keeping his readers informed and there are always lots of pictures. I really feel like I know these people, whom I have never really met. Please take the time to visit them and lift them up as Tricia, the mom, is waiting on a double lung transplant. God is listening!

Thanks and happy blogging....
Mandy

Praying for Mary Grace

Please join me as I pray for Mary Grace Summons, who is sceduled to be born on Monday, January 14th. Her parents have a blog and I have gotten to "know" them as they are traveling a very similar journey as we have. Mary Grace has T18 like our Madeline, and I am praying that her parents and sisters get to spend some precious time with her. Please pray for their strength and courage as they face the unknown. You may check on them at www.marygracesummons.blogspot.com

Thank you lots!
Mandy

Draw a circle. This circle is your life.
Draw a slightly smaller circle inside of the first circle.
It's okay if the edges touch in some places. This circle is your grief.

Now you can see that your grief almost totally fills your life.
There isn't room for anything else. Your life and your grief are one.

Now draw another circle the same size as your grief circle.
This circle is still your grief.
Draw a larger circle around it. This is your life in the future.
Your grief is still there, still the same size, but now there is space around it for other aspects of your life. As time goes on, the circle of your life grows and includes many other things, but your grief remains. It doesn't
go away. It doesn't get smaller. But now there is room for other things and you are not always focused on the grief. You can laugh at a joke, go to a party, get a new job, maybe have living children, but your circle of grief is still there.

Goodbye 2007

As this year comes to a close, I am reminded of all my blessings. 2007 was a difficult year for my family but we experienced many unforgettable moments that changed our lives. Thank you for sharing in this journey with us and for praying for our family. May you be richly blessed in this New Year.

Brian and Mandy

Our Christmas Letter

“For unto us, a child is born.” Isaiah 9:6


Dear Friends and Family,
As I reflect on the year 2007, I must say it was a year filled with emotion and love. For our family, it was a year of great joy and sorrow, one we will not ever forget and one that forever changed us in a way we never expected.
Most of you know we learned we were expecting a baby last fall. What an unexpected surprise to say the least! (We thought our family was complete after the triplets were born.) After the shock set in, we really were excited that our baby would be a little girl. Even Maxwell was looking forward to a little sister in our house of boys. But January 2007 brought with it the heartbreak that our precious baby had a chromosomal disorder known as Trisomy 18. Tests revealed our daughter would not live long, if at all, and we prepared ourselves for the worst each day. My doctor was gracious enough to allow us to have as many ultrasounds as we wanted in order to see Madeline and get to enjoy her while she was safe in my body. Those days, peeking into her little world, kept us going and brought us such happiness just knowing she was doing okay at that moment. We prayed continuously and asked God for a miracle, to spare our child and heal her completely.
Madeline, as we all know now, was quite a fighter. She continued to grow and thrive in the womb until her birth at 37 ½ weeks, when we finally got to meet her in person. June 27th was Madeline's birthday!!! She was a tiny 3 pounds, 12 ounces with a head full of black hair, looking lots like our Harry! Though her time here on earth was very short, those were the most joyous 12 hours of our lives. Madeline was able to breathe on her own and we got to hold and kiss her, bathe her, and try to fit in a lifetime of memories in a few short hours. Madeline left this world in our presence and we are comforted knowing she is in a much better place. Madeline taught us how to pray and that God really hears our prayers and answers them. We prayed for a miracle and got just that. Madeline Grace Hopkins was our miracle and we feel so blessed that God allowed us to be her parents. We have a huge investment in Heaven and look forward to the day when we get to see Madeline again.
As for the rest of the family……….Maxwell has grown in so many ways during the last year. He will soon be nine years old and is a third grader with lots of friends. It is hard to believe that our “baby” is growing up so fast. Maxwell is a sweet boy with a very sensitive heart. It has been a blessing to see God working in his little life as we suffered through the loss of Madeline. He is my little “prayer warrior” and continues to ask God to watch over Madeline until we see her again. Maxwell loves school and is our creative child. Right now, Maxwell wants to be an artist or inventor when he grows up. He will sit and draw for hours at a time and loves to write stories as well. He even wrote and got his first book published this year. He has already planned all the other volumes he is going to write too. If you have not read his book, Animals, Animals, Animals (Volume 1) you have really missed out. It should be fun to see what his future holds. I know God has some great things in store for Maxwell! He is happiest when he is playing with his brothers or wrestling with Brian. Maxwell loves to read, sing, watch movies and be ‘in charge” of his little brothers. I think he is finally able to enjoy having so many brothers, although they do a great job aggravating him sometimes. Maxwell constantly keeps us laughing at all his funny little comments. One of my favorite sounds is to hear him really laugh when something is funny. Maxwell started a family tradition of telling one good and one bad thing that happened in our day as we all eat dinner together each night. He is very serious about this “share” time---typical Maxwell!!!
Harrison, Grayson and Ashton turned 4 this summer and keep us very busy. They are quite the trio, filling our house with lots of noise. Harrison is the “oldest” and wants to be just like Maxwell. Harry loves trucks and anything you can ride on or race. Brian is sure he has a racecar driver in Harry! Harrison gives the best kisses and hugs and reminds us of Madeline with his dark hair and plump little lips. Grayson is our “middle” triplet and is pure mischief. He is always being silly and loves to keep trouble brewing between his brothers. Grayson has a twinkle in his eyes and the cutest little smile you have ever seen. He is very artistic and likes to draw and color. Ashton loves to say he is the “youngest, tallest” and is the most affectionate of our children. He loves shoes and clothes and would change every 30 minutes if we would let him. Ashton is our guitar-player and music lover. He remembers the words very quickly to all his favorite songs. The triplets are in Pre-K and are learning so much at school. We are amazed at all they are doing like writing their names and beginning to know sounds and letters. It seems like only yesterday that we were trying to figure out how to feed three hungry little ones at the same time and now they are big boys.
Brian is the busiest man I know and manages to be a super daddy and husband in the process. I have learned so much from him in the last few months about trusting in God’s timing and purpose. I am so thankful to have him as my husband and friend. Brian stays busy with his used car lot, Sweet Water Auto, and a full-time job as an accountant for his uncle’s firm in Forsyth. He has plans to go back to school and take the CPA exam to get certified once tax season is over. This past summer he coached Maxwell’s baseball team and led them to a second place win for the season. Somehow he even finds time when he is not working to spend time with our boys and do all the fun things boys enjoying doing like hunting and riding four-wheelers. He is our hero and we love seeing him walk in the door at the end of each day.
I am still teaching first grade at Midway for my 11th year. I am fortunate enough to work beside one of my dearest friends in the world each day. Jill and I keep each other motivated and laughing at all the funny things our students do and say. School is never dull when you work with 21 six year olds. Needless to say, I stay busy with the boys and can usually be found refereeing them as they play. I began a blog while I was expecting Madeline as a way to journal and I still use it to write sometimes. It has been neat “meeting” people from all over the country who have prayed for our family or who share similar experiences with us.
Thank you all for your friendship and love and your constant prayer and support during this past year. 2007 held some of our best and worst times but with God’s grace, we look ahead with hope. We look forward to what the new year will bring and pray that each of you has a joyous holiday. God Bless.
Mandy, Brian, and Boys

Poppy Joy

As I write this, another family I have met via the Internet and through blogging, has lost their precious baby girl to Trisomy 18. I am so saddened for them and ask that you pray for their family. You may go to their blog and read the details of Poppy Joy and her life at www.poppyjoy.blogspot.com

As I have thought of Poppy's family tonight and prayed for them, I have cried and remembered.....remembered holding Madeline that last moment before I had to give her away forever, the emptiness of a hospital room on a maternity floor with no baby to hold that first night, the sad look in the eyes of all the nurses who can't make it better, the grief counselor that can't really help you. The memories go on, all of them difficult. Each time I hear about some other family who loses a baby, my heart just breaks and it is like I relive losing Madeline all over again. My heart is heavy tonight and this sad news is painful for mothers like me who have been there. I wish I were able to do something for Poppy's family but all I can do is pray. Please join me in lifting them up right now.

Mandy

Better late, than never

It has been so long since I sat down to write my feelings. I have thought about it often but for many reasons, I do not write. One of them is my lack of ability to express my feelings lately. I have really been in a state of feeling emotionless..if that is really something you can feel. As I read and talk to other people who have experienced grief like only a parent can, this is just part of it. I am glad to know that I am not weird or unloving, but just at a place where I feel numb and can not for the life of me describe it. Maybe it is part of the healing.

It has been exactly five months since Madeline was born and then left us. There were times when I thought I would never make it here, but life has a way of pushing you along even when you refuse to move. Not a single hour goes by that I don't think of her or miss her, but I can now smile when I think of what a special baby she was and how blessed I feel that I was chosen to be her mother.

My own mother and sister still have difficulty talking about Madeline without lots of tears and I know they both wonder about me sometimes, when I am the only one not crying (I credit some really great meds too!) but I have come to a conclusion that has helped me to cope with losing Madeline. When I found out on January 8th that Madeline had this terminal diagnosis, I began the grief process then. The idea I had of a healthy baby, a healthy daughter that would be my soft spot in my world of boys, was crushed. I felt like all my hopes and dreams were lost. But what I did not realize then, but know for sure now, is that Madeline would not be who she was intended by God to be if she had been exactly as I had planned her. It really is a blessing that we are not in control of our lives because I never would have written mine with this outcome. God knew how badly I wanted a little girl and He could not have given me a more perfect one than Madeline Grace Hopkins. And even though she is not the child I had planned or dreamed about, she is even better. I knew early on that Madeline would not be "normal" and that I probably would never parent her like I have our other children. I was able to grieve the loss of that dream and it is only recently that I knew that as badly as I missed her and wanted her here to share in our life, Madeline would not be herself if she were able to do that. She was exactly as God intended her and I would not trade her for a healthy daughter anyday because that would mean changing her. Madeline was perfect in all ways, in our eyes and God's.

We still have moments when sadness looms and feels like it is taking hold and I think that it seems like just yesterday that we buried Madeline. I drive by the cemetary and sometimes can't stop. I guess denial makes it a little easier too. It all seems unreal that we have lost a child, one we hardly had a chance to know and love. We miss her and the boys still talk about Madeline and pray for her. Maxwell always thanks God for taking care of her for us and Harry commented just yesterday that he didn't ever get to meet Madeline. They will always "know" her because we will never stop talking about her or sharing all the blessings she brought into our lives.